The vividness of things that I saw or experienced had put me in an advantage in almost everyday of my life. But there is this one drawback that I don’t wanna play in my mind again and again.
Whenever I’m preparing, (or stressed?) , or worried of something that might happen or will gonna happen, what I always do is to listen to music. I have to find a specific “chill” beat in order for me to feel at ease. I don’t care what the lyrics says but I have to find a beat. Once I found and listened to it, the flow of information on my mind magically patterned the same with the beat I’m hearing and that’s my cue! However, what I can’t control is the flow of my mind whenever I sleep. Yes, this is me dreaming! So the drawback I’m talking about is the vividness of the feelings I’ve been through (No, this is not an intro of a romantic story!)
It goes like this, I will wake up in my dream that I’m late on my class (I’m not a latecomer!) Sometimes it indicates time like I woke up at 8am and my class is on 7:30am. Sometimes it’s 10am and (still) missed my 7:30am morning class. What I don’t enjoy is this part of me “procrastinating” . The disappointment I felt in that dream is so much real that it traverses my real or current state when I wake up.
Sometimes the scenario is, I know that I already graduated but I still have courses left to take and finish (How come?) so I have to rush and finish my unfinished prototypes or practical exams while all my batchmates and classmates are finishly-finished. Again the disappointment I felt in that dream is so much real! It’s like I took back a few years and I can see and/or feel what my past self had felt.
It’s like the future-me is reaching out to past-me. Or is it the past-me haunting the future-me? Which is which?
What about the exams? Of all things, why I have to re-live my Exams? It felt like I’ve been caught off guard and a quiz was about to begin without the past-me at least scanned her notes. The anxiousness is so much vivid!
Or my dreams have other meaning? Maybe it’s time for me to study, AGAIN? Or take my Masters? Woa.
Or Is it just a Trauma in exams? Or Board exams? The pressure I’ve felt during my Mapua days is reverberating through these dreams.